Unconditional Friendliness

Every relationship has its limit, an edge called ‘disappointment’. Things are going well and then suddenly there is a shift. We discover that our new friend has a shadow side: a nasty temper, a secret addiction, a habit of putting you down. In Green Light Conversations we describe the feeling of disappointment as the ‘yellow light’. With mindfulness practice we can avoid closing our hearts when we encounter this shadow side of our relationships. At the same time, we don’t need to close our eyes, which is a pattern called ‘mindless heart’. Instead we can make the courageous intention to simply accept our friend as she is. It is so easy to say, but a life-long challenge to put into action. One tool for doing this is to work together in ‘green zones’. These are structured dialogues to support the intention to be open. Having a green zone helps us extend the practice of unconditional friendliness towards ourselves and to others so that we can genuinely create a culture of friendship and kindness in our lives.