Susan’s Gillis Chapman on “An Organic Conversation”
The topic is listening as love. To me, this is the magic of mindful communication. Here’s a simple formula for this: Stop – Look – Listen.
STOP: The first stage of mindful listening is to work with our speed and distraction. We need to simply stop, let go, make space. We spend our lives running away from open space, from the ‘dead air’ of silence. Before we can listen to another human being, we need to be capable of listening to ourselves. This is why sitting meditation is so important. The meditation journey trains us relax and let go of distractions. We unmask the boredom and restlessness to discover what our minds are really capable of. Gradually we learn to settle down peacefully, able to listen.
LOOK: There is a certain moment when our attention shifts from ‘in here’ to ‘out there’. Imagine that our attention is like a beam of light. At that moment, it expands outward, illuminating the space around us. Before we listen to someone’s words, we listen with our eyes, all our senses. Our natural communication system of Awake Body, Tender Heart and Open Mind tunes into the whole environment, a signal that we are open.
LISTEN: Now that we’ve opened the senses of our body, the vulnerability of our heart and the curiosity of our mind we’re able to have a fresh experience. What is this fresh experience? Being completely open like this, with no hidden agenda is not a dry, empty exchange. When we’re openly listening to another human being, the space is warm and tender. Because the ‘me-first’ barrier has dissolved, this space is a mixing zone where you can’t find the dividing line between ‘me’ and ‘you’. Instead there is awakeness, which lets you be who you are. There is tenderness, which enables me to feel what you feel. There is curiosity, which asks you to go on, ‘please tell me more’. Whether this is a short conversation with a stranger on the bus or a life long conversation with a partner, listening openly like this is what it means to love.
Love to you all.